(no subject)

[miko2]

Once upon a time there was a beautiful young feeflie named Princess Mint. She was the daughter of the ruler of the magical kingdom of Left Of Middle Neualtenburg, and was so beloved by her people that they didn't care if she dressed in old sweaters and jeans. So she did.



Left of Middle Neualtenburg was a perfect kingdom except for one thing. King Truffle liked to get drunk and have all-night food orgies at the Neualtenburg Taco Cottage. In fact, he ate so much there that he ran up a huge debt and had to pawn the most precious item in the kingdom -- the magical sword known as the Holy Ginsunator.

The King promised to hand over the Ginsunator, but then in a fit of passion he slammed the sword into a giant stone, and then ran away. This, as far as anyone knew, was the first time a King had run away from home.

Gordito Schwartz, the owner of the Neualtenburg Taco Cottage, was furious. He wanted the Ginsunator, for he knew he could use it to slice and dice and make julien fries. Sadly, nobody was able to pull the sword from the stone.



According to law, if the kingdom couldn't pay Gordio Schwartz, then he would get to marry the princess. Magical kingdoms always have goofy laws like this. Nobody knows why, that's just how it is.

Princess Mint was desperate. Gordito was much older than her, he had the kind of ugly face that worked well for a kindly old taco seller, but which was not really suited for the husband of a princess, and in any case, Princess Mint had another reason to avoid marrying Gordito. Her entire life, when her father had come every night to tuck her into bed and to kiss her good night, he had had taco breath.

Princess Mint hated the smell of tacos.

It didn't help that Gordio was the one person in the kingdom who routinely wrote letters the local paper, The Magical Kingdom Press, complaining that Mint dressed far too sloppily for a magical princess, and that she should be forced to wear nothing but fancy ball gowns in white and pink with huge poofy floor-length skirts and lots of lace and ribbons.

No, Princess Mint was not going to marry Gordito Schwartz if she had anything to say about it.



Princess Mint placed fliers everywhere asking if anyone had seen King Truffle. They placed his face everywhere -- on the news, on the sides of milk bottles -- but nobody had any idea where he was.



Next, Princess Mint advertized for champion -- anyone who could pull the sword from the stone, and pay off her father's taco debt. She travelled the town in her little pink bug, searching for someone who knew the trick of removing the Ginsunator. Nobody seemed to know.



What's worse, her car got stuck. Princess Mint was almost at the end of her rope.



She climbed on top of a roof and contemplated what to do. Was she really going to be forced to marry a middle-aged man who sang badly in the shower and made tacos for a living?

Just then a small fairy landed on her shoulder and told her, "Princess Mint! If you follow me, I can lead you to the one person who knows how to pull the Ginsunator from the stone!"

Princess Mint followed the small winged girl, who lead her deep into the woods. There, she encounterd something out of her worst nightmares!



It was a living taco knight!

The smell of tacos permeated the clearing. Princess Mint wanted to barf, but she forced down the bile and smiled pleasantly, as only a princess can.

"Sir Taco," she said, "is it true that you know the secret of how to remove our kingdom's magical blade from the stone that encases it?"

"I do, I do!" Sir Taco replied. "But never shall I do such a thing! I am at one with my forest, and can never venture into the city!"

Princess Mint burst into tears. "You were my last hope," she cried. "Now, I shall be forced to marry Gordito Schwartz, the Taco Cottage owner."

"That doesn't sound so bad," the taco knight replied. "Mr. Schwartz makes a mean taco."

"But he's ugly!" Princess Mint exclaimed. "He's nearly three times my age, he'll make me wear fancy ball gowns, and he sings when he showers in the morning! His voice is off-key and very very loud -- you can hear it clear up at the castle! And usually he sings 'Mandy'. How can you abandon me to the fate of having to listen to 'Mandy' sung every morning at top volume by a man who sings like a inebriated donkey?"

"Oh my," Sir Taco replied. "I had no idea! Well, in that case, I will return with you to the kingdom and pull out the sword. It's the least I can do!"



The two of them returned to castle in Left of Middle Neualtenburg, and true to his word, Sir Taco was able to remove the sword easily.

"I can't believe it," Princess Mint exclaimed. "Now I'll be able to pay off father's debt without having to marry! But how is it that a wild taco knight from the deep forest knew how to remove this sword?"

"Oh, that's easy," Sir Taco replied. "I'm the one that put it there."

The princess gasped. "But that would mean...."

"Yes, it's true," Sir Taco said. "I was your father, King Truffle. After I ran away from the kingdom, I grew so hungry that I robbed a witch of all her tacos. In exchange, she cursed me to become a living taco!"



"Oh father, that's horrible!" Princess Mint exclaimed. "Now we shall have to search for a way to cure your taconess!"

"Oh no, don't bother!" Sir Taco exclaimed. "I love being a taco! And everybody loves me, for I'm the tastiest thing in the forest! And I love being free to do what I want! I was tired of being a king anyway -- you make a much better ruler than I!"

And so it was that Princess Mint became Queen Mint, and her father went back to the forest and was never heard from again. But whenever the Queen walked past the Neualtenburg Taco Cottage and smelled the tacos that Gordito was cooking, she thought once again of her father, and then ducked into an alleyway to barf in privacy.


The End